Dancing With the Stripes!!!!!!

January 25, 2012

I knew this moment would come someday, but I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly. Dancing With the Stripes (you are required to say this out loud with a robust British accent each time you read it . . . or so I’m told), is one of the premier guest/officer activities on the ship each cruise. Are you familiar with the television show, Dancing With the Stars? In truth, it is nothing like that show.

In fact, to win this competition has very little to do with dancing! For the second straight cruise I accompanied my manager, Laura, up to the competition which she had entered, to provide moral support. I sat at one of the tables in the staging area as we took a few sips of a drink to provide her the courage to enter ‘the ballroom,’ and as she left, I waited for the insanity to begin. Only moments before the competition was to star one of the cruise activity staff strode purposefully up to me and asked if I would be willing to join the competition as they had one more guest entrant than they had officers who had volunteered. What’s a guy to do? I was hoping to get through one or two more cruises to get the lay of the land before entering this very public demonstration . . . but customer satisfaction is our business . . . so I reluctantly consented.

I was paired with Maria. The average age of the guests on this cruise is well above 60. Maria was not average. Most of our guests on this run are North Americans, not true for Maria. The vast majority of our guests are of reserved demeanor. Again, Maria would take a pass on that. Maria was probably mid-20s, Chilean, and definitely not conservative of dress. And, my, could that girl Lambada! However, Maria was a bit intimidated by the dance floor surrounded by hundreds of enthusiastic spectators. I tried to describe to her the craziness I had witnessed in the competition of the last cruise, but she wasn’t clicking on the fact that this was less a dance competition than a bizarre ritual of showmanship. So, with only one common language, dance, we decided to treat it as a true dance competition.

Which ultimately led to our downfall. Nine couples took the floor, with me as the only officer who had never previously competed. I knew one thing. If I beat my boss, Laura, I would live to regret it for the next twelve days. The first round was three ‘ballroom dances,’ as we were challenged with the waltz, the tango, and the salsa. Trying to learn to dance with a new partner in front of three hundred well ‘lubricated’ audience members was a bit of a challenge. With only one minor misstep, we completed the waltz. With slightly more confidence we tackled the tango. We now were getting into our groove, and with kicks and flicks proceeded to take out one of the legs of the tripod of the guest relations videographer’s camera. We ended the tango by striding dramatically to the judges’ table and kicking our legs up and landing them with a profound heel placement right in front of the cruise director. That got their attention! We finished round one with a convincing salsa, as I simply mirrored Maria, whose main regret was that I didn’t know enough Spanish to plot secretly!

As the first three couples were relegated to the recycle pile of DWTS has-beens, Maria and I lived to dance another round. We were challenged first with the Lambada which gave us the early lead. Then they added first a jive, followed by disco, both which we attacked convincingly, and I was confident of our placement in finals. Finally, we were challenged with Country & Western. I led Maria through a passable two-step imitation, while other couples were now on the floor playing horsey back ride. The final cuts were now to be made to reach the finals. Two couples were eliminated and four stayed standing. The final cut was to be made . . . and we heard our number called to leave the dance floor.

And the crowd boooooooooeeeeeeeeddddddddd! I like to think that it was because we had executed the most artistic and precise dance steps. In reality, I think it was simpler than that. Maria was quiet pleasing to look at. Regardless, we knew who the best dancers on the floor were, and, with all due respect, it wasn’t the three finalists. (Sorry, Tsunami, but I’m ready to throw down right now with dueling Michael Jacksons.)

Who won the competition is now unimportant. (Sadly, it wasn’t Tsunami!) Oddly, though, I gained instant notoriety from this participation. Fortunately, I was eliminated in the second round, the same as Laura, so no price to pay! Somehow, guests remember this event clearly . . . and I pray all videos are burned . . . for today I was approached during the Captain’s Elite reception and during my evening Guest Encounter as that ‘guy who danced last night . . . we thought you were the best!’ More importantly, the word has spread through the crew, which now makes everyone suddenly find me approachable as I’m now one of the ‘fun’ officers. And, Maria’s family loves to throw me kisses from across whatever guest space I’m in.

So, public humiliation can be beneficial . . . 


Oh, did I mention that Lady Gaga was the guest judge?


The adventure continues . . .