A Price to Pay

March 3, 2012

Leaving the Forensics Team at the end of the tournament the night before I left for the Silhouette was a heart-rending experience. For the last 6 ½ years they have been at the core of my thoughts and efforts. But in life there are always trade-offs. To take this job with Celebrity Cruise Lines I knew that I would be separate from them for four months at a time. Conceptually, I understood that I would miss their most important tournaments this year. Emotionally, I could not fully embrace what that meant.

On the last weekend in January when they participated in the National Qualifying Congress and I was at sea, I was consistently distracted as I looked at the clock, performed the time zone calculations, and estimated what was happening in Colorado at that very moment. It was a difficult day that underscored my true separation from the program and was only salved by hearing the next day of their success in qualifying three for the National Championships. Last week, when they competed in Regional Qualifying for State was somewhat easier, as I knew they would be successful and I considered this a simple test for them as they prepared for the National Qualifying Speech and Debate Tournament as well as Colorado State Tournament.

But this weekend it became very difficult, again. As the Nat Quals tournament began I was, once again, at sea, and would be for the duration of the tournament. With no way to get instant access communications I would need to rely on those who could send emails from their blackberries or iPhones, and more importantly, had time in the midst of this intense tournament to do so. I found myself sending several emails to different people to get updates, trying to keep myself busy, but constantly checking only to find an inbox devoid of the messages I most wanted to receive. Far too rarely I received pure statistical results with no commentary. It was nothing like being at the tournament.

As usual in such tournaments there were early surprises, but I had no way to get more details on those unexpected events. As our students advanced, I had no sense of upcoming pairings, time schedules, or states of mind. When I finally went to bed that night I still did not have the final answer on any event. It was a stark realization for me that the program that I had carefully crafted was completely out of my hands. I had moved on to my next challenge and they had, as well.

The emails and pictures the next morning were bittersweet. All told, seven students were now going to Nationals! I was elated! And yet, I had not shared the experience of their wins and losses. I had not been there to stand and applaud when they received their well-deserved awards. I did not get a chance to hug them and tell them how proud I was of each and every one of them, including those who would not make the trip to Indianapolis.

There is no question in my mind that working on Silhouette is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I feel valued and know I am making a worthwhile contribution. I am comfortable with the rhythms of ship life and enjoy the travel and the occasional perks of the job. I know I will see my family and friends, again.

But there is a price to pay . . .

And the adventure continues . . .