We Are Not the Love Boat!

February 17, 2012

Let’s start with the basics . . . neither our Captain nor any of the officers wear white shorts and white shoes. I know there were some who wanted to see me in my Captain Stubing outfit, but that picture will never be available. As mentioned in a previous post, our day uniforms are white short sleeve shirts with black slacks, shoes and socks. Our evening uniforms replace the day uniform with a white long sleeve shirt, black tie, and a black double-breasted coat  to augment the aforementioned trousers, shoes, and socks. Celebrity Cruise Lines is about 21st century Modern Luxury, not 1970s ‘fun.’ Even so, we are a relaxed and fun ship, but our officers will never be confused with their sitcom counterparts.

Neither Captain Kafetzis or Captain Pagonis, the two Masters of Silhouette, bear any resemblance to Gavin McCleod’s Captain Stubin. Both are Greek, Pagonis with a full head of wavy black hair, while Kafetzis’ ‘do’ is shorter with a touch of grey. Both are tanned, muscular, and full of the vibrant energy that comes from working three months on and three months off. Each are commanding presences in their own way. Kafetzis is more of a man of his people, the crew, but subtly funny in addressing the guests. Pagonis is a bit more stately and regal, great with the guests, even though he is probably a bit more shy. Neither are bald, goofy, nor appear indecisive at any time. No Captain Stubing on this vessel.

Our cruise directors are in a whole different league than Julie. Both Paul, who was here when I arrived, and Lisa, our current CD, are about far more than smiling at guests. They are responsible for all guest facing activities on ship, so they are one part manager of an insane and complex schedule, and each also has enough talent to step on our stage in the 1100 person Silhouette Theater, and bring the house down with their voice. Lisa toured with the production of Mama Mia. Paul rocks it at that same level. These are consummate entertainers and excellent managers.

Our doctors actually practice medicine. I’m really not sure what Doc on Love Boat did, but medicine was rarely the prescription. Our two doctors, two nurses, and medical secretary run a fully functioning medical clinic on the ship, and treat numerous patients and crew throughout each cruise. During the accelerated outbreak of gastrointestinal virus that hit the ship two cruises back, I don’t think I saw any of the medical personnel except when they were responding to a medical emergency. Dr. Jennifer, our head physician from the Philippines, looked like she hadn’t slept the whole cruise. It has been good to see them surface occasionally during the last two weeks. But unlike Bernie Koeppel’s character, their engagement with the guest is very light.

In place of Gopher, the purser, we have a full finance team. You’d need one to keep this floating hotel in the black. You rarely, if ever, see these people above decks, and when they are up top they are not out in front of the engagement. Their biggest concern each cruise is making sure that the bills and crew are paid in a timely manner. That is a never-ending job that rarely allows time for the guests.

Isaac, the Love Boat bartender, may have had the closest job to reality. Our bar managers and bartenders are truly exceptional at guest satisfaction, and some of those bar tenders put on a quite a show, and every member of the bar staff works to ensure that are guests are happy. But most of them do it with exceptional service, and not just a cheesy smile.

Finally, if you are looking for ‘love’ with a member of this crew, you need to understand we have a strict non-fraternization policy with guests. Guests may discover romance; crew may do so if they choose to on our side of the line, but never the twain shall meet.  That’s one of the classes I teach in the first two weeks to all crew members. How serious are we about it? Serious enough to walk someone off the ship and put them on a plane home if they fail to heed that directive. Our guests have fun, exceptional service, and create great memories, but this is no Love Boat.

And the adventure continues . . .